My wife likes to say, “Saying yes to something is saying no to something else.” I often think of this in terms of being a pastor. If I say “yes” to something, I am saying “no” to something important with my family or myself.
If a family in our church has an emergency, I say “yes” to them every time. I will wake up out of sleep to go to the Emergency Room or to a home when someone has died. In that case, I’m saying “yes” to them and “no” to my own need for sleep.
This is obvious. But the choice isn’t so obvious when you start thinking about smartphone use.
Saying “Yes” to the Smartphone is Saying “No” to Those Around You
Over a decade ago, I remember seeing a mother and young daughter eating together at Taco John’s in Russellville. I was there with my wife, and we were both terribly saddened by what we saw. This little girl, she was probably 3 years old, was begging for her mother’s attention. Her mother stared intently at her smartphone and ignored her daughter.
At the time, I couldn’t believe someone would do that. I was completely frustrated for the daughter. Today, however, I still think about my phone and begin to reach for it while my own daughter is talking to me.
I have made a rule for myself that I attempt to follow. I won’t say that I’ve followed it perfectly, but I try. When I am in dialogue with someone, I will not look at my phone.
If I look at my smartphone while talking with someone, I am saying “no” to them and “yes” to the device that is right in front of me.
I have been in those conversations with people. It’s annoying. I have been mid-conversation with someone when they pull out their phone and start scrolling. Most often I get irritated, stop talking, and leave. That person chose their phone over our dialogue, so mid-sentence I just walked away.
To my shame, my own child has asked me once why I was on my phone while she was talking to me. I felt the same, apologized, and told her I wouldn’t do it again.
I took that seriously because saying “yes” to my phone was saying “no” to her. And that would be a pitiful choice.
The people around me were created in God’s image. That phone was not. People are worth infinitely more. Furthermore, we were created to have personal connections and community with other image bearers. How shameful is it that I choose the device over them?
Very! That is the point. Saying “yes” in that moment is saying “no” to the far more valuable. It means saying “no” to the image bearers and relationships I am built for.
Saying “Yes” to the Smartphone is Saying “No” to Sustained Thought
Have you heard of Phantom Vibration Syndrome? It’s happened to me, and it may have happened to you as well.
It’s the sensation that your phone is vibrating in your pocket even though it isn’t. Our bodies get so accustomed to phone notifications that they misinterpret things like a tiny muscle twitch as a phone vibration. And is it any wonder?
Adults typically get 46 notifications per day, and the younger you are, the higher that total goes. In fact, Americans are thought to check their phones more than 350 times a day.
That’s a lot. Studies have shown it takes over 20 minutes to recover from an interruption.
And I want to remind you that this happens over 16-18 hours. How can people who are interrupted over 300 times a day- this includes their notifications and impulses to reach for the phone- with a recovery time of over 20 minutes ever be supposed to think about anything?
Maybe your Papaw had more common sense than you because he didn’t have a phone calling his attention away while he sat on his porch.
Now, I’m not saying that we should all abandon our smartphones. I typed this from a smartphone. I am saying that we must find a way to say “yes” to sustained thought.
Maybe it’s not having your phone around you for periods throughout the day. Maybe it’s having the phone in “Do Not Disturb” for large chunks of the day.
Closing Thought
You might be squirming right now just thinking about this, but what will you say “yes” to?
Will you say “yes” to your wife, children, grandchildren? Believe it or not, a lot of people say “no”.
Will you say “yes” to those around you?
Will you say “yes” to the ability to think deeply and pray?
Saying “yes” to your phone is saying “no” to something else. And most often the thing you’re saying “no” to is far more important than the phone.
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