I have a funny work history, actually a sad work history. I am only 33 and have worked at two different churches who didn’t have enough deacons because they could not find anyone they felt was qualified. Why? They believed, according to 1 Timothy 3:12, that a person who has been divorced could not hold the office. And, there were a lot of people that had been divorced in those churches.
This did not really phase anyone, with the exception of an occasional sorrowful phrase. Yet, when the preacher would speak against homosexuality or the idea of homosexual marriage the place would come alive with amens.
Does anyone see a problem here?
When discussing homosexual marriage it is heroic to speak of protecting the “Sanctity of Marriage” while divorce, which is a severing of the marriage vows is not even discussed. Both of these would be considered sullying the “Sanctity of Marriage”. Now, what gives?
It seems that the world is justified in their accusations of hypocrisy.
I am against the idea of homosexual marriage and against homosexuality. I believe in what is normally called the “Biblical Definition of Marriage”. I do not believe that current government legislation has actually changed the definition of marriage. I think that it has created a mirage. I just want everyone to know taht as I write these things, it is not coming from a person who rejects the traditional view of marriage. It is rather from the perspective of a person who desires to uphold the traditional view of marriage.
The time for American Conservative Evangelical Christians to take divorce seriously is long past due. We say that we want to honor marriage, and rightly so. Yet, marriage has not been being honored in our churches for quite a while now.
It’s Easier To Point At Them
It is no secret that it is easier to see the sin out there than to take a hard look at the sin that is inside the group. American Conservative Evangelicals do not have a large number of practicing homosexuals in their churches. So, it is easy to point the finger at the evil outside. It is not so easy to look in the mirror and see how we have allowed the sanctity of marriage to be trodden upon through our own tolerance of divorce.
The Definition of Marriage And The Conservative Desecration Of Marriage
The definition of marriage that I am working from is the one found throughout Scripture. It is given in most detail in Genesis 2:24. The definition that I find is one man and one woman for a lifetime. There are some reasons given for divorce, but not as many as you would think.
Any deviation from that definition, outside of the bounds of a legitimate divorce, is a corruption of marriage. As long as it has been the case that churches simply accepted the crumbling of marriage, churches have been participating in the degradation of the sanctity of marriage.
Again, herein lies the problem. The world is looking at American Conservative Evangelicals and stating that we are hypocrital for accepting divorce and denying homosexual marriage. I believe that they are correct and justified in doing so. As long as we treat divorce as simply a sad part of life we are participating in the very hypocrisy is said of us. This is no small problem, and we need to deal with that area of hypocrisy in our lives. I am certain that my solution, and what I believe to be Scripture’s solution to the hypocrisy is different than the solution offered by the world.
The Way Forward
I believe that local churches need to do three things at the same time. 1.) Turn back to the biblical definition of Scripture, one man + one woman for a lifetime. To leave out part of this definition is not good. We need to adhere to the whole definition. 2.) We need to educate people about marriage being a lifelong covenant between two people before ever performing a marriage. Holding only half of the definition is not good. We must hold to the entire definition and teach the entire definition. 3.) Begin to intervene in failing marriages in the way that we are called to intervene.
The response to the hypocrisy is probably not popular. It is taking an unpopular action and saying, “Stay the course!”. Actually, it would be like saying, “You’re only doing it halfway, go the rest of the way.” But, I believe Scripture to be quite clear on this topic. The defintion is found in Genesis 2 and is referenced as the standard for the rest of Scripture’s teaching on marriage. We simply must choose to submit ourselves to God’s Word.
The second requires some prep work, but really just involves leading with a little conviction. We have to teach people who are going to be married what marriage is and be willing to hurt feelings and not marry people who are not willing to be married for life. This can be difficult.
One aspect of this that is at work in my life is the fact that I will not marry just anyone who comes through the church doors. I will not marry two people that have been divorced, unless there are biblical grounds for the divorce. I will not marry a lost person to a believer, because Scripture mandates agains that act. And, I will not marry a couple who will not come to the marriage counseling and do the work required in it. Marriage is a lifelong covenant that requires a lifelong commitment, and if that is missing someone else can do the wedding no matter how many hurt feelings or how much money the church loses because of it.
The third is calling local churches to do what local churches are supposed to be doing already. Namely, getting involved in the ugly situations that are divorce.
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” – Galatians 6:1 ESV
We have to build the kind of relationships in our churches where we are able to share our struggles with one another. And, when a spouse shares a near divorce situation with someone, the church needs to intervene. They need to help. They need to advise. They need to reprimand where reprimanding is needed. They need to take the longevity of marriage as seriously as the gender of marriage.
Concluding Thoughts
I know that the solution I am giving is not easy. But, I believe, it is necessary. If we are going to keep marriage a high priority, then we need to keep marriage a high priority. It is simply not okay for us to hold to one part of the definition of marriage while disregarding the other.
R. Dwain Minor
Image Attribution: Teunie from nl [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
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