I was considering the post that I had written on Friday concerning the Church’s need to end its hypocrisy on marriage and realized that there is one issue that still needs to be considered. It is the issue of whether or not to let a married homosexual couple join a church and how that coincides with the idea of heterosexual couples divorcing within a local church.
As I was thinking about what I had written, I couldn’t believe that I had left this out. It just seems so obvious. Let me give you a rubber meeting the road example.
I had recently had a conversation with a good friend who said that his church had not allowed a practicing homosexual to join his church. Neither of us had a problem with this, but we did have a problem with something else. The problem was that this church tolerated divorce without any repercussions while it did not tolerate homosexuality.
Let’s Be Consistent
The entire article on Friday was a call to consistency on the issue of marriage. If we are going to consistently, as local churches, lift high the sanctity of marriage, then lift high the sanctity of marriage. Don’t just major on one part of the definition. The Scriptural definition is one man + one woman for a lifetime. Any deviation from this definition demands action on our part if we are going to lift high the sanctity of marriage.
When a church rails against homosexual marriage while at the same time allowing divorce to go on without a second thought we are definitely not acting in a way that is consistent. If a church doesn’t allow homosexuals to be members or excommunicates those who come out as homosexual, yet does not even intervene in a divorce there is a major problem. There is a major lack of consistency.
If the sanctity of marriage is important, then we will be consistent in our dealings with both sins. The fact is that the sanctity of marriage is important (Hebrews 13:4). So, our consistency on both issues is of massive importance.
Biblical Consistency Will Demand What?
I believe that being biblically consistent on this matter will involve something that a lot of us are not ready to think about. That is the idea of Church Discipline and even possibly excommunication of people who are in the process of divorce or get a divorce.
Church discipline is the process of restoring fallen Christians that is outlined in Scripture. The most detailed passage is found in Matthew 18:15-20.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosedx in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anythign the ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” – Matthew 18:15-20 ESV
When there is a sin that is seperating brothers and sisters in Christ it is to be dealt with rather than left to fester. Why wouldn’t this apply to a husband and a wife who can’t move past an issue in their lives? Why wouldn’t this apply to a spouse who is sinning against the other spouse? I believe that this passage directly deals with just such issues.
Imagine this scenario. A husband is addicted to pornography and his wife knows about it. This sin of his is causing her great harm and is causing a seperation between him and his wife, whether he realizes it or not. This seperation is growing ever wider and wider and this seperation is likely leading to divorce. He is finding himself less and less satisfied with his wife, and divorce is on his mind and sometimes on his lips. His wife, after going to her husband and letting him know that she knows and the damage his porn addiction is doing, goes to the pastor of their church. She is distraught and doesn’t know what else to do, so she is faithful to the Scriptures and tells him. He then, being obedient to the Scriptures, goes to discuss his porn addiction and likely brings another leader of the church with him. One of two things will ultimately happen here. Either he will repent of his sin and ask the forgiveness of his wife, or he will refuse to quit probably saying that it is none of their business what he looks at.
At this point, much sorrow is brought to everyone involved if he refuses. Yet, things are not yet finished. I don’t think we have to move away from this point in the restoration process quickly. I think we can still be faithful to God’s Word if we confront him as a small group on a number of occasions. But, if he continues to refuse repentance then we must move on to do what would seem unthinkable. It’s time to tell the church.
This would likely happen at an emergency business meeting. All the visitors would leave and the sin would be discussed among church members only. Then, the whole church would be required to confront the husband about his sin. I know this sounds crazy, but apparently its what Jesus wants for us to do. And, if he repents of his sin then his marriage will likely eventually be brought back to health. Yet, if he does not repent his marriage will likely continue upon the path that it is on. That path leads directly to divorce. And, if he does not repent of this sin then the church has one more thing to do. He is to be treated as an unbeliever. He cannot partake of the Lord’s Supper. He cannot be a voting member of the congregation. He is treated as an outsider.
This all sounds rather drastic, and it is. But, here is the reality. Sin is ugly. The call from Jesus to us is to deal with sin in a drastic manner, not just other people’s sins. If you look at the breadth of Scripture on this topic you find drastic action being the common denominator. Yet, when a person repents of their sin they are treated once again as a brother/sister in Christ.
For more on this topic see these passages of Scripture (Titus 3:9-11; 1 Corinthians 5:1-11; 2 Corinthians 2:5-11; 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15; James 5:19-20; Galatians 6:1; 2 John 1:9-10; Romans 16:17-18). You can copy this list and paste it into blueletterbible.org in their “multiple verse retrieval” box. Just choose the translation you want them all in and you will be able to read all of them immediately.
Comfortable And Consistent Inconsistency
Churches are oftentimes willing to castigate people who commit sins that are outside of the camp. Shout against homosexuality and you will get a room full of “Amen”‘s in many conservative churches. Yet, the same pastor will be hesitant to preach on marriage as being lifelong because that sin exists in the camp. So, we have become comfortably and consistently Inconsistent.
The sin doesn’t involve us. This sin only exists out there. So, it is easy to rail and act against it. This is comfortable. Yet it is not consistent. It is not biblical. And, it is not lifting high the sanctity of marriage.
Conclusion
I do believe that it is right for a church not to allow practicing homosexuals to be members of their congregation. But, it is very inconsistent to allow divorce to go untouched. We must be people who really do hold high the sanctity of marriage. So, let us work for the sanctity of marriage and deal with the sins that exist within our congregations as well as outside.
This is the only way for us to be consistent, biblical, and hold high the sanctity of marriage.
R. Dwain Minor
Image Attribution: Teunie from nl [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
Leave a Reply