I can think of few things as painful as a child running away from the faith. To leave in complete rebellion against God and His Word brings an incredible pain to a parent, maybe even a parent reading this post today. And this is something that parents have talked with me about in great sorrow over the years.
Solomon understood this well when he said that,
A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him.
Proverbs 17:25 ESV
Many a parent has felt this grief and this bitterness throughout the years.
Last night, while I was unable to sleep, I read from “The Art of Divine Contentment” by Thomas Watson. (The link is to the free ebook at monergism.com.) It seems that Watson had run into a few folks who were driven to despair over their children and decided to deal with that topic in a book on contentment. This heading was written specifically for parents of unruly children.
“Though to see him undutiful is your grief—yet not always your sin. Has a parent given the child, not only milk of the breast—but “the sincere milk of the Word?” have you seasoned his tender years with pious education? You can do no more; parents can only work knowledge, God must work grace; they can only lay the wood together, it is God who must make it burn. A parent can only be a guide to show his child the way to heaven—the Spirit of God must be a loadstone to draw his heart into that way. “Am I in God’s stead,” says Jacob, “who has withheld the fruit of the womb?” (Genesis 30:2) Can I give children? So, is a parent God’s stead to give grace? Who can help it, if a child having the light of conscience, Scripture, education, these three torches in his hand—yet runs willfully into the deep ponds of sin? Weep for your child, pray for him; but do not sin for him by discontent.”
Thomas Watson, The Art of Divine Contentment, Kindle Loc 440-447
I know it doesn’t take away the tears, but it is an important thing to remember. As parents we should be faithful to bring our children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. And their rejection of the Lord sometimes leads to many tears. This is a good and right response from parents. But, if we have taught our children God’s Word and brought them up in God’s Word, then we have done all that we can do. And it’s okay for us to cry and pray for our children’s return to the Lord. In fact, that is a good and honorable thing. Their rejection of God’s ways is not your fault.
So, shed tears. Pray a lot for your wayward child. But if you raised that child in God’s Word do not blame yourself for their waywardness. Only God can work salvation in the life of your child.
This was not the final word of encouragement Watson had for parents. He said more. But today I really wanted to emphasize this one thought. If you gave your child God’s Word then their rejection of God and His Word is not your fault.
R. Dwain Minor
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