If I am honest, I have to say that sometimes I do not discipline my children as I should. I am guessing that I am not alone in this either.
Here is how the scenario generally works. My son is in the kitchen drawers pulling out every utensil imaginable so that he can whack it against stuff. He does this a lot and it has never been okay. Yet, part of me wants to just let it slide and on occasion I do. Why do I let it slide? Maybe I am tired. Maybe my favorite show is on. Maybe I am agitated because he was just in trouble for this minutes ago. Whatever the reason is, I sometimes don’t walk into the kitchen and deal with the situation.
Does anyone else do something similar to this, or am I alone here?
A Lack Of Perspective Leads To A Lack Of Discipline
Here is the problem. I, at times, will lack a right understanding of the gravity of the situation. Somehow I lose sight of what’s important. There is something huge at stake with my child’s disobedience.
Solomon, in the book of Proverbs, gives us a view to just how important it is to discipline your children.
“Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.”-Proverbs 19:18 ESV
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.”-Proverbs 23:13 ESV
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.”-Proverbs 22:15 ESV
“A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.”-Proverbs 29:15 ESV
Solomon pushes us to see that we are in a life or death situation of sorts when we are thinking through the discipline process. The idea is that the child left undisciplined will walk down the path that leads to death rather than life. On the flip side of this is another reality. Wisdom is imparted through the discipline process and the foolishness that the child would have walked down is driven away from him.
If I am thinking clearly about the future of my children, then I will discipline them.
A Wrong Understanding Of People Will Lead To Not Disciplining Children
Knowing the weightiness of a situation does not give us the reason for discipline. Some people think that discipline is unnecessary in raising children, yet Scripture teaches that it is a life or death situation…why the difference?
The difference lies in how humanity is viewed. Most people today view humanity as morally good. If you view your children as morally good then eventually, with or without discipline they will turn out good. We will need to teach them things about the culture we live in, but morally children are good.
Then comes the Scriptures and reason to smash this idea to pieces. Solomon hints at this when he says, “folly is bound up in the heart of a child”. According to Scripture, children are not born morally good. They are born morally corrupt. This is why David would say that he was conceived in sin (Psalm 51:5). He was corrupt from birth, like everyone that we have ever known. If a person is not a believer they are called a “son of disobedience” (Ephesians 2:2). And, as far back as the book of Genesis mankind has been described as “evil from his youth” (Genesis 8:21). This is why St. Augustine’s words on disciplining children are so wise.
“What is the purpose of the pedagogue, the schoolmaster, the stick, the strap, the birch, and all the means of discipline? By such means, as holy Scripture teaches, the flanks of a beloved child must be beaten, for fear he may grow up untamed, and become so hardened that he is almost, or even completely, beyond discipline. What is the point of these punishments, but to overcome ignorance and to bridle corrupt desire – the evils we bring with us into this world?”-St. Augustine, City of God; Penguin Books, 1984; p.1066
Our children need discipline for the same reason that we did. The “evils we bring with us into this world” need to be overcome. If they are not overcome then our children will live lives that bring us incredible grief and sorrow as we watch them walk down the path that leads to death.
Discipline: A Salvation That Doesn’t Save Eternally
There are tremendous benefits to disciplining our children, but the benefits are not our child’s greatest need. Our child’s greatest need is to be forgiven. Our children need to place their trust in Jesus Christ that. Discipline can move children to the cross if done wisely.
Proper discipline should not be done out of anger, but out of love and concern for the welfare of your child. I know as well as anyone else how hard it is to keep it together when your child is content to dance upon your last nerve. But our end goal is not just to punish our children. Our end goal is to impart life to our child. Times of discipline end up being the perfect time to share the gospel with your children.
Christ came to save people who had rebelled against God. Show your child how their rebellion has led them to their need of Christ and tell them about what Jesus did for them. Use your discipline that saves your child in this life to lead them to the one who can save them for eternity.
R. Dwain Minor
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